OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
