You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
