i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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