i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
