if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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