By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
