you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
