I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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