My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Girls should come with a carfax report
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize