She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
