please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
