Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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