You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
