I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
