saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
