I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Boobs speak an international language.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
