I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
