Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
