but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I want to be your penis for a week.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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