if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
These tits shall not be calmed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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