oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
