Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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