Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize