Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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