I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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