he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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