you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Randomize
