Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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