I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
