Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
