After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
