LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
