i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
