GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm too high and old for this...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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