Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize