he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
