My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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