I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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