Pappa wants mamma naked
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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