I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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