omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize