i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I FOUND THE LEGS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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