if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
