Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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