If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
