where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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