My hand turned me down
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
