I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
