At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
