Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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