im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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