We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize