i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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