I wish my penis had an off switch
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
