I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
