When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just cropdusted the office
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
