worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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