If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
