Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
