so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
