in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
