sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
