so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
