you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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