I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
