just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't turn off my feet"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
