3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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