I'm lost and stupid without you.
id be glad to
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
