Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
