is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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