the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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