Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
