Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
