i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
