That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
