Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
