So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
