Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
