Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
