your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
