feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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