You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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