I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
