CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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