You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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