i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize