You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
