I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
