And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
