Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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