me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
