Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
