It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
