I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
