Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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