the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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