Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
