You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
