If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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