great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
