Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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