Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
