the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize