all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
