I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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